[She poured Tsubasa a cup as requested, and made one for herself, with a good amount of sugar and cream. Then, she walked over to the table, setting both mugs down between them.]
[Tsubasa opens her mouth. Words amounting to "if it's bother you we could talk about it" falls dead in her throat, and she actually thinks better of it.
She sighs, grasping the mug.]
I had... given thought to it.
The Maria I had known, I had just seen, before I was pulled here. There is a difference of time in your arrival and mine, but... There is little doubt we come from the same time.
[She frowns.] I've had multiple people mention a previous me. I certainly do not recall having been here ever, so... It is apparent that there are other versions of us, other times and worlds. It's the only explanation, but... I am morally certain our Maria is alive and well.
[Thinking anything else would probably drive her crazy.
She bows her head.]
All the same, I hope this Maria either found her way home, or... found peace. I am... sorry I was unable to meet her.
[She nodded, however, and looked down into her mug.]
I figured that out, more or less, yeah. But it's good to be certain of it. But, like... that doesn't change that I feel bad. Whether it was another version of her, she was still Maria. She was someone who fought alongside us. She was still our friend, and as much "our" Maria as any other version of her.
[She took a sip, and looked up at the ceiling wistfully.]
There's nothing we could have done really, but. It's gonna hurt for a while, isn't it?
No, I do not mean to simply cast her aside if she is not from "our" time or world. It... pains me a lot. There's part of me that doesn't know how to feel, but... Part of me feels a need to rationalize it. To make sure when we go home, all our friends will still be there.
Of course...
[She sighs. She looks into her mug. She hadn't taken a sip at all.]
This isn't the first time.
So I know this well. I've been blessed that you, nor Tachibana, nor... any of our friends have been lost to us since we came together.
Yet, I know well it will hurt for a long time. Yet, like her...
[She closes her eyes.]
Yukine, not too long ago, you were blaming yourself for Kanade's death. What I didn't say, and I should have then, was...
She probably would have died, no matter what you did. Maybe not then, but if not then, Gungnir would not have been passed onto Tachibana. What I never could admit to myself for some time was that no matter how strong she was, she was pushing herself to use her power.
She was not meant for it. She forced herself to be able to. Her initial exposure to LiNKER was both a testament to human willpower and also... what should have been terrifying to me, yet wasn't.
Maria, Tsukuyomi, Akatsuki... were trained in terrible ways from an early age, but they still had more time and priming before attaining their Gears. They have used their Climax Songs, and lived. Even without Tachibana focusing us.
Like Maria, there was... nothing that could have been done, really. Not really.
Thus, it is our responsibility to remember her, to move on, and hope for the best, wherever she may be.
[Tsubasa had picked up on Kanade; not even Chris had realized that was still lingering in the back of her mind. But... she also couldn't really argue with anything her friend was saying.]
You're right. Again. It doesn't make it any easier, but... it's something I needed to hear, I guess. I don't know if I'll ever not feel guilty about what happened to her, or anyone else, but... remembering them is still what I need to do.
And I'm here too, senpai. You don't have to carry it alone, either.
...
You know what? We should just. Share stories, you know? About Kanade and Maria. Remember what we liked about them, any funny stories... you know, that kind of thing.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2018-12-29 04:01 am (UTC)[She smiles despite herself.]
You're right, it's not. But seriously senpai, how do you want your coffee?
no subject
Date: 2018-12-29 04:13 am (UTC)Yukine... I- I suppose I can understand, in this instance.
[She shakes her head.]
My apologies. Black.
[Simple and straightforward. Of course.]
no subject
Date: 2018-12-29 04:15 am (UTC)Let's not talk about that, kay?
[She poured Tsubasa a cup as requested, and made one for herself, with a good amount of sugar and cream. Then, she walked over to the table, setting both mugs down between them.]
So... Maria...
no subject
Date: 2018-12-29 04:21 am (UTC)She sighs, grasping the mug.]
I had... given thought to it.
The Maria I had known, I had just seen, before I was pulled here. There is a difference of time in your arrival and mine, but... There is little doubt we come from the same time.
[She frowns.] I've had multiple people mention a previous me. I certainly do not recall having been here ever, so... It is apparent that there are other versions of us, other times and worlds. It's the only explanation, but... I am morally certain our Maria is alive and well.
[Thinking anything else would probably drive her crazy.
She bows her head.]
All the same, I hope this Maria either found her way home, or... found peace. I am... sorry I was unable to meet her.
no subject
Date: 2018-12-29 04:28 am (UTC)So that's what Shikyoin met...
[She nodded, however, and looked down into her mug.]
I figured that out, more or less, yeah. But it's good to be certain of it. But, like... that doesn't change that I feel bad. Whether it was another version of her, she was still Maria. She was someone who fought alongside us. She was still our friend, and as much "our" Maria as any other version of her.
[She took a sip, and looked up at the ceiling wistfully.]
There's nothing we could have done really, but. It's gonna hurt for a while, isn't it?
no subject
Date: 2018-12-29 04:39 am (UTC)No, I do not mean to simply cast her aside if she is not from "our" time or world. It... pains me a lot. There's part of me that doesn't know how to feel, but... Part of me feels a need to rationalize it. To make sure when we go home, all our friends will still be there.
Of course...
[She sighs. She looks into her mug. She hadn't taken a sip at all.]
This isn't the first time.
So I know this well. I've been blessed that you, nor Tachibana, nor... any of our friends have been lost to us since we came together.
Yet, I know well it will hurt for a long time. Yet, like her...
[She closes her eyes.]
Yukine, not too long ago, you were blaming yourself for Kanade's death. What I didn't say, and I should have then, was...
She probably would have died, no matter what you did. Maybe not then, but if not then, Gungnir would not have been passed onto Tachibana. What I never could admit to myself for some time was that no matter how strong she was, she was pushing herself to use her power.
She was not meant for it. She forced herself to be able to. Her initial exposure to LiNKER was both a testament to human willpower and also... what should have been terrifying to me, yet wasn't.
Maria, Tsukuyomi, Akatsuki... were trained in terrible ways from an early age, but they still had more time and priming before attaining their Gears. They have used their Climax Songs, and lived. Even without Tachibana focusing us.
Like Maria, there was... nothing that could have been done, really. Not really.
Thus, it is our responsibility to remember her, to move on, and hope for the best, wherever she may be.
no subject
Date: 2018-12-29 04:56 am (UTC)[Tsubasa had picked up on Kanade; not even Chris had realized that was still lingering in the back of her mind. But... she also couldn't really argue with anything her friend was saying.]
You're right. Again. It doesn't make it any easier, but... it's something I needed to hear, I guess. I don't know if I'll ever not feel guilty about what happened to her, or anyone else, but... remembering them is still what I need to do.
And I think it's what she and Maria would want.
no subject
Date: 2018-12-29 06:15 am (UTC)We all have burdens we will always carry. I am determined not to be defined by them, but rather what I do to move forward.
So you're right. But if you have any trouble doing that, just remember.. I'm here, as well. Carrying similar things, along with my own demons.
no subject
Date: 2018-12-30 12:47 am (UTC)...
You know what? We should just. Share stories, you know? About Kanade and Maria. Remember what we liked about them, any funny stories... you know, that kind of thing.
no subject
Date: 2018-12-30 05:56 am (UTC)Ah... yes, you know, that would not be a terrible idea...
no subject
Date: 2018-12-31 08:49 pm (UTC)As they talked through the night, it proved not to be very lonely or difficult at all.]